Finding my Inner Revolutionary

It has been a while since I have written which means I have reneged on my promise to be more faithful at updating my blog this year. But here I am. I am not giving up yet. That's what revolutionaries do.

Revolutionary, me? Lately, I have not felt much like a revolutionary. The message of my clothing line is that you can strive for change just like the people on my designs did. However, recently, I have felt stuck. I remember the days when I used to march for the release of Irish and Puerto Rican political prisoners when I was in college, when my husband and I would buy canned food for the church pantry, when I used to hand out food to the homeless and pray for them. I miss my public life. I am now home with two kids with special needs and although I try really hard to perceive that as a revolutionary act, as an act that involves changing my kids' lives, I still want more. I often feel tired, burned out, and lonely. I guess revolutionaries get lonely too. Why do we make them to be out like gods? They were real people.

As I try to find my way in this motherhood thing what helps me is to read honest writing from other mothers. I have been following Dawn's blog about motherhood. She is so honest and quite irreverent. Here's a link to one of my favorite posts from her, http://balefulregards.blogspot.com/2006/03/cult-of-motherhood-redux.html.

I also just finished watching the In the Time of the Butterflies DVD. It is a movie adapted from a book by Julia Alvarez which I read years ago about three sisters who confront the injustices of the Trujillo regime, a dictatorship in the Dominican Republic, in the 60s and 70s. A client recently requested I make her a cuff of the Mirabal sisters which was fate (I like to call it God) because I had been thinking about designing one before she made the request. Anyway, I wanted to reacquaint myself with these sisters before I made it. Reading powerful stories about women makes me feel better. It calls to my inner revolutionary. It helps me summon that spirit of hope and potential that can keep me from drowning in my feelings of quiet desperation.

Monday Inspiration

Dwell as near as possible to the channel in which your life flows.Thoreau, Henry David.

The creater of the blog, http://www.maternalspark.com/, came across this quote today and asked anyone who wanted to muse on it. To her it meant "to surround yourself with things and people who feed your inner spark." That's what it means to me too.

I am inspired by people who get me, who encourage me to be who I am. Today, I want to pay homage to M,. my bestest (that's the way I like to say it) customer, who has now become my friend. She requested I do my funnel neck cropped Pedro Albizu Campos jacket in her size. I am used to sewing for my size but I took the challenge which actually turned out to be a great experience for me, especially dealing with M, who is a dream of a customer. She is always praising my work which means a lot when you work from home when there is no one consistently there cheering you on. Here is my jacket and the one I did for her. One of my New Years resolutions was to learn how to sew for all sizes and she got me on my way. Thanks M!!!! Your an amazing person!!!

M, also has an amazing shop on etsy. Check it out at http://www.thehandoffatima.etsy.com/.

Today I had a particularly rough day. I started my day by doing three loads of laundry with D in the stroller. I am a sight to see when I do laundry. I carry one large bag on my shoulder. One in the basket underneath the stroller and one hanging from the stroller handles. I look like a crazy woman!!! Hey, it's the only way I can get in done. D had a therapy session at 12:00 and I was cutting it close so I was rushing. I had to get the laundry in the machines, feed D breakfast, go to the post office, then get the laundry and put it in the dryer, then go to Rite Aid, go home and drop off my purchases so I could have room for the laundry when I take it out of the dryer, etc. I was trying to do all of this in a rush when my neighbor stopped me, while dropping off my purchases, because she had to tell me something "pressing". She ended up telling me something that ultimately hurt my feelings. I tried very hard for that comment not to affect my mood for the rest of the day but I didn't succeed, I still felt belittled. I guess my son M caught on that I wasn't myself because he kept staring at me (he does that when he perceives something). While we were having dinner, he told me, out of the blue, "Mommy, you are very, very smart." We weren't even talking about anything in particulr when he came out and said it. I thanked him profusely. Then he said that I was beautiful and that I was never wrong. Where did that come from? I just felt grateful. In his own way he was trying to make me feel better, and he did. Lately, my kids have been a weight on my shoulders. Today, I am so glad I have them. Thank you God!

Pedro Albizu Campos Fabric Cuff!

I just added this new cuff to my online shop, http://www.nelesc.etsy.com/. Pedro Albizu Campos was the most prominent Puerto Rican political figure of the 20th century, a National hero who sacrificed his life for the freedom of his country. Under his direction, the Nationalist Party of Puerto Rico became a major force in the fight for independence. A powerful speaker, thousands would gather to listen to his passionate discourses of freedom. He urged the Puerto Rican people to reclaim their cultural history and national symbols such as the flag and the national anthem.

I really enjoyed making it and hope to do a lot more. It's different from the initial cuffs I made mentioned in this post http://nelesc.blogspot.com/2008/12/monday-inspiration-fabric-cuffs.html which were more family oriented. Here, I am going back to my revolutionary roots. Let me know what you think.

Happy New Year!

Although it is technically January 2 ( I am writing this at 1:16 am 1/2/09) I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year! I had a lovely January 1st. I have been under the weather so I rested a lot in the morning while my hubby took care of the kids. Then I did about 3 loads of laundry!!!! It made me feel good to bring in the new year with clean clothes. Finally, I had a short dinner with a college friend. She had to return home swiftly because she had family over for the holidays and she promised she would see them off. She forgot she made plans with me and didn't want to cancel so we just shortened our rendevous. That was fine with me because I spent a glorious two hours in Barnes and Nobles after that. There are two books that I looked at that I must have: True Vision: Authentic Art Journaling by L.K. Ludwig and Canvas Remix: Techniques For Creating Mixed-Media Accessories by Alisa Burke. When I get them, which hopefully will be soon, I'll attempt to share projects inspired by these crafty ladies. Here's to a crafty, creative, artistic 2009!

Still Musing about Family over the Holidays

I am still excited about my big sister being here from Alabama. I spent the whole of yesterday with her. She came over with the boys, my husband took the older ones out and I stayed home with her and my youngest. When D took his nap, A and I chatted away about our creative endeavors. She makes jewelry and showed me all of her new pieces, I showed her my new fabric cuffs (she also got one for Christmas) and other projects I was working on, it was like a manic show and tell session that had been pent up for a year (I only see her once a year).

Remember, my last post about my youngest being attached to her even though he only saw her once a year? Well, the same thing happened with my oldest and her boys. The minute they got to our house, M turned off the TV (M does not turn off the TV for ANYONE!!!) he went right up to them ,said hello and they went off picking up where they left off last year...wrestling, throwing things across the room, playing race cars. Very intriguing male bonding. That's like another world to me. I grew up with two sisters. I am so girly. I sometimes don't understand why God gave me boys, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have a Masters in anthropology, it' so exciting to be privy to this secret lives of boys that I never grew up with. My sister and I had a lot to talk about on that topic , too.

Anwway, I am just lost in family musings these days. It's incredibly uplifting, inspiring, intriguing, mystrious. Family can get on your last nerve, yet it is an unbreakable, inexplicable bond. I could be so upset at my sisters or mom after a fight or something but when I am hurting, they are the people I come to first (well, after my hubby, he's family too). I don't think that I am as vulnerable with anyone else as I am with them. That says something.

Sisters together on Christmas

The best part of the holiday season is seeing my sisters. My younger one lives near me but my older one, A, lives in Alabama and I only get to see her once a year. Having both of them here makes me feel complete, we compliment one another so when A comes back home, she brings out and confirms a lot of things about me and who Iam.

D, my youngest, was sick on Christmas and only wanted to be carried by me the whole time which was quite exhausting!!! So when I had to take a bathroom break I gave him to my hubby and he cried bloody murder ( D, not hubby). A was nearby and D reached out towards her and allowed her to hold him as he gently layed his head on her shoulder. When I came out, A motioned to me and whispered, "I think he thinks I am you." We do look a like and have the same kinda voice. That was so interesting to me. The fact that he only sees his aunt once a year and is still drawn to her. It speaks of the power of family and connection. I am still thinking about it.