Girl, Reconstructed: Crafting a Creative Business as a Special Needs Mom

Hello friends! I am so excited to announce that I finally published my book!  It's titled, Girl Reconstructed: Crafting a Creative Business as a Special Needs Mom. 

This book is basically a detailed way of answering the question I received time and time again; how do you manage to create items and run a shop with two kids on the spectrum? Girl, Reconstructed: Crafting a Creative Business as a Special-Needs Mom offers encouragement and inspiration particularly to crafty special-needs moms (it would actually help anyone) who might want to turn their creative passion into profits. I pour out my heart and soul in strategies, quotes, ideas, and resources to help you along your journey. But most important of all, I use myself as an example to show you that if I can do it, you can too! 

You can order the e-book or paperback here. I will be posting excerpts from the book here so stay tuned!  

Thank you for all of your support throughout these years of my building, Nelesc Designs. I paused the business for a little bit to write the book but I will be back soon!

Enjoy your day! 

Tips on Navigating a Museum/Gallery Space with a Special Needs Child

As a museum educator with a special needs child (SNC), it is no surprise that I am interested in museum access.  During winter break I usually take my boys to at least one museum; a children's museum or an art museum with programs for special needs children. This week, however, I veered off script.

For weeks I have been wanting to catch an art show at a nearby gallery. Although this art space was not ideal for my youngest son who is on the autism spectrum, I felt that my older son would benefit from this display as it was in line with what he was learning in school. But again, this was a regular gallery, a college art gallery, a gallery that has no provisions for a special needs child so do I dare take my sensory needy, touchy feely, restless child to this kind of gallery?

I bit the bullet and did it. But not without some planning. Here are my tips on how to to enjoy a "typical museum gallery" with a special needs child like mine:

1. Keep it local

It just so happened that the exhibit I wanted to view was in my borough, this worked out great for us.  If you want to spend the day looking at art with your SNC, check out local galleries and museums. The commute is shorter, and should things go south, at least you will be close to home. 

2. Call ahead of time

I was already aware of this particular gallery's space and knew it would be a good choice for us. Calling ahead and inquiring about the gallery/museum's physical layout and what they have to offer, cuts anxiety and helps you be prepared. 

3. Choose a small gallery or museum

A smaller space might provide a sense of calm for your child and help you navigate the area better with him/her.  It also gives you a sense of completion. This helped us this week during our visit. I got to see every single art work which made me feel quite accomplished.  

4.  Early is best

Arriving at your destination earlier in the day also provides a sense of calm as there will be less people, less distractions, and less sensory overload. 

5. Put something in your child's hands

My son loves to touch EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. That's who he is. So if I take him to a place where there are objects begging to be touched, I better offer something that is as equally enticing. My son loves strings so I usually give him a string when we go out to keep his hands busy and keep him from biting himself, which is another issue. But you might also consider something textured,  one of his own paintings, a sensory toy,  anything that will keep his hands off the art work.  

6. Plan to eat afterwards

If you managed to pull this off, it's time to celebrate! I knew there was a pizza place located right across the street from the gallery so the plan was to eat there afterwards. Unfortunately I didn't follow rule number three and by the time we left the gallery, it was well into lunch time and no seats available in the restaurant. If I would have followed my own advice, and left a little earlier,  this would have worked, and been the icing on the cake. Instead, we ate at a place closer to home which turned out okay, thank God! 

I hope some of these tips can help you enjoy art with your SNC even if the museum/gallery is not as accessible as you would hope. In less than ideal situations it's always about finding a solution and enjoying time together with the ones you love. 

Special Needs Mothering and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

FOMO! I first heard that term/acronym from my older son who flippantly told me that one of his classmates "has major FOMO", she attends every singular school function. I had no idea what that meant and I curiously asked him, "what's that?" He said, "you don't know what that is mommy? It means Fear Of Missing Out, FOMO.”

Wow, there's a word for it! "That was me!” I thought. I felt relieved. I suddenly diagnosed myself as also having major FOMO! Is there a support group for this?

In retrospect, I don't know if I have FOMO or just want to regain my social life again. At the end of last year, some parents in my support group shared how rarely we, as special needs moms, go out. Of course, this is the story of my life so I chimed in. 

Before kids, I went out quite a bit especially to art/artists events. As a special needs parent, this doesn't happen very often, although I'm trying to rectify that. I guess this is common with any parent, not just special needs. But when one is mothering a "typical" child you expect this to be temporary, that, as the child grows older, you will have your freedom back or at least be able to take him/her with you. Not so with a special needs child. I will forever need to arrange babysitting for my son who requires constant supervision.

I don't have many options for free childcare; I have one sister who lives far away, another with many responsibilities of her own, and aging parents/in-laws who are not equipped to handle Dan's boundless energy.  

Then I have to grapple with my own guilt. "you want to spend money on babysitting to go to a gallery opening, or an art talk? How frivolous! You should be home with your kids! No one has really said this to me out loud but the self-talk is real. 

There are some outings that are no- brainers and if they happen during school hours, even better; school functions that are important for my education as a special needs parent, church every Sunday, and of course, work! These events, I am either required or make a concerted effort to attend.

But when I am deluged with countless invitations to gallery openings, book signings, poetry readings, art talks, kid's parties, church conferences, hanging with friends… I want to go to all of them and major FOMO kicks in!  I have to make a major decision as to whether it’s worth asking my very overworked husband to stay with the kids, whether it's worth paying a babysitter, or whether I will regret it if I decide to do neither and stay home. The last one has happened countless of times and I am determined to have that happen less this year. 

Here is my criteria for how I pick my outings. This is strictly my criteria and I look forward to hearing your criteria as well: 

1.    I go to outings that bring me into community

I belong to various communities and I choose events that will bring me closer to each of them. One community that means a lot to me is the Puerto Rican artist/artisan community so I try to be present for at least two of their major events; The Comite Noviembre Puerto Rican Artisan Fair in November and the Committee to Honor Puerto Rican Women on International Working Women's Day in March. These are blocked out on the calendar so everyone in the house is on notice; I’m going!

10th annual Comite Noviembre Puerto Rican Artisan Fair 2015

Community, in general, is important and necessary for everyone. As an artist, who often works in isolation, like myself, it is huge, so I plan and make sure my child is taken care of during these times.

2. I go to outings that will make an impact on my museum practice.

At a Museum Access Consortium workshop at the Museum of Modern Art 

Besides running a creative business, I am also a museum educator. I talk about art for a living and want to get better at it. When there are professional development conferences or workshops on museum education, I try to be there.

3. I go to outings that are beneficial for us as a family. 

These outings are the best because they don’t require babysitting! Two major events that we clear our schedule for are The Bronxchester Challenger Baseball League and last year’s 1st Annual Sensory-friendly Holiday Party, both hosted by D3 Sports & Recreation, Inc. The Bronxchester Challenger League is a program to help autistic children with sensory integration and social engagement through baseball. We love it! Our kids can be themselves, play ball, and we can grab something to eat afterwards. It’s great family time!

My youngest; after the  game

Anything with the word “sensory” in it has my attention so when we were invited to the 1^st Annual Sensory-friendly Holiday Party, we knew we had to attend. Here, we came into contact again with former teammates from the baseball league and others from the autism community.

My youngest playing with rice during the 1st annual Holiday Sensory Party sponsored by D3 Sports & Recreation, Inc. 

These events also bring us into community, the autism community; we need this community in our lives! In general, if you create a space where our kids are welcomed, we will be there!

What are your communities? Where do you need to be seen? Who do you want to connect with, learn more from? Make sure you get to those events. Hire a sitter, ask a friend, plan in advance. Where there is a will, there is a way. This is key to keeping FOMO at bay. You are not really missing out on anything if you attend key events that are important to you. 

How do you organize your outings? I would love to know, Please post your comments below. 

If you would like to donate to the Bronx Parents Autism Support Circle, go to www.bxpasc.org. 

If you would like to donate to D3 Sports & Recreation, Inc., please click here,