It has been a while since I have written which means I have reneged on my promise to be more faithful at updating my blog this year. But here I am. I am not giving up yet. That's what revolutionaries do.
Revolutionary, me? Lately, I have not felt much like a revolutionary. The message of my clothing line is that you can strive for change just like the people on my designs did. However, recently, I have felt stuck. I remember the days when I used to march for the release of Irish and Puerto Rican political prisoners when I was in college, when my husband and I would buy canned food for the church pantry, when I used to hand out food to the homeless and pray for them. I miss my public life. I am now home with two kids with special needs and although I try really hard to perceive that as a revolutionary act, as an act that involves changing my kids' lives, I still want more. I often feel tired, burned out, and lonely. I guess revolutionaries get lonely too. Why do we make them to be out like gods? They were real people.
As I try to find my way in this motherhood thing what helps me is to read honest writing from other mothers. I have been following Dawn's blog about motherhood. She is so honest and quite irreverent. Here's a link to one of my favorite posts from her, http://balefulregards.blogspot.com/2006/03/cult-of-motherhood-redux.html.
I also just finished watching the In the Time of the Butterflies DVD. It is a movie adapted from a book by Julia Alvarez which I read years ago about three sisters who confront the injustices of the Trujillo regime, a dictatorship in the Dominican Republic, in the 60s and 70s. A client recently requested I make her a cuff of the Mirabal sisters which was fate (I like to call it God) because I had been thinking about designing one before she made the request. Anyway, I wanted to reacquaint myself with these sisters before I made it. Reading powerful stories about women makes me feel better. It calls to my inner revolutionary. It helps me summon that spirit of hope and potential that can keep me from drowning in my feelings of quiet desperation.
Hang in there Nellie. It's hard sometimes to see how small things like making lunch will impact the long term result in raising an adult but what you're doing is so important!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the super sweet comment on my blog, made my day :)