Thursday, June 19, 2008

Trying to Reconstruct my Life

So yes, my blog's name is The Reconstructed Life. That is exactly what I am trying to do at this time, trying to reconstruct my life now that I have children. I am in a delicate point in my life and perhaps this is why I decided to begin this blog, a venue to organize my thoughts. I have been feeling a bit displaced. Before my first child (we'll call him M), I had a career in the arts, first in the Curatorial Department of a museum and then in an art school library. I knew that I would probably quit my job when M was born, I wasn't happy with my job and I wanted to go back to the education department of a museum and so I did, after M turned two. When M turned 4, I wanted to expand my interest in arts education and decided to work in a middle school as an art teacher. I liked it enough to want to become certified. I pursued that route as i taught and then in my second year of teaching i became pregnant with D. At this time my husband (we'll call him J) got a new, intense job and we felt that with J's crazy hours at the job, and with the issues I was having with the Board of Education (my son M has autism and it was difficult finding a placement for him, will talk more about this in future blogs) the kids needed stability and that I should take a year off from teaching. I felt comfortable with this decision. I decided I would launch my clothing line Nelesc, during this time, and pursue other creative endeavors as I mothered.

Well, D is now 15 months and M is 6 and while I launched my online shop, it has been very difficult to do my creative work. My husband's intense schedule leaves us little time to talk and also leaves me with very little options for babysiting if i decide to go out with a friend. I feel dispaced, lonely, forgotten, invisible. J says this is only for a while, that when the kids get older, I will be able to go back to work and resume more of a life but the sacrifice seems too great right now. I miss me. I miss the old me before kids. I would love to reclaim a little of that. Is that possible?

On a good note, I did manage to cut pieces to two new dresses. hopefully, tomorrow will be a good sewing day. i will post pics when i am done. Also, I went to the meat store to buy some bacon for J. The butcher asked me where I had been, that he had missed me. Okay, maybe I am not forgotten after all. God is good!

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