Girl, Reconstructed: Crafting a Creative Business as a Special Needs Mom

Hello friends! I am so excited to announce that I finally published my book!  It's titled, Girl Reconstructed: Crafting a Creative Business as a Special Needs Mom. 

This book is basically a detailed way of answering the question I received time and time again; how do you manage to create items and run a shop with two kids on the spectrum? Girl, Reconstructed: Crafting a Creative Business as a Special-Needs Mom offers encouragement and inspiration particularly to crafty special-needs moms (it would actually help anyone) who might want to turn their creative passion into profits. I pour out my heart and soul in strategies, quotes, ideas, and resources to help you along your journey. But most important of all, I use myself as an example to show you that if I can do it, you can too! 

You can order the e-book or paperback here. I will be posting excerpts from the book here so stay tuned!  

Thank you for all of your support throughout these years of my building, Nelesc Designs. I paused the business for a little bit to write the book but I will be back soon!

Enjoy your day! 

Tips on Navigating a Museum/Gallery Space with a Special Needs Child

As a museum educator with a special needs child (SNC), it is no surprise that I am interested in museum access.  During winter break I usually take my boys to at least one museum; a children's museum or an art museum with programs for special needs children. This week, however, I veered off script.

For weeks I have been wanting to catch an art show at a nearby gallery. Although this art space was not ideal for my youngest son who is on the autism spectrum, I felt that my older son would benefit from this display as it was in line with what he was learning in school. But again, this was a regular gallery, a college art gallery, a gallery that has no provisions for a special needs child so do I dare take my sensory needy, touchy feely, restless child to this kind of gallery?

I bit the bullet and did it. But not without some planning. Here are my tips on how to to enjoy a "typical museum gallery" with a special needs child like mine:

1. Keep it local

It just so happened that the exhibit I wanted to view was in my borough, this worked out great for us.  If you want to spend the day looking at art with your SNC, check out local galleries and museums. The commute is shorter, and should things go south, at least you will be close to home. 

2. Call ahead of time

I was already aware of this particular gallery's space and knew it would be a good choice for us. Calling ahead and inquiring about the gallery/museum's physical layout and what they have to offer, cuts anxiety and helps you be prepared. 

3. Choose a small gallery or museum

A smaller space might provide a sense of calm for your child and help you navigate the area better with him/her.  It also gives you a sense of completion. This helped us this week during our visit. I got to see every single art work which made me feel quite accomplished.  

4.  Early is best

Arriving at your destination earlier in the day also provides a sense of calm as there will be less people, less distractions, and less sensory overload. 

5. Put something in your child's hands

My son loves to touch EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. That's who he is. So if I take him to a place where there are objects begging to be touched, I better offer something that is as equally enticing. My son loves strings so I usually give him a string when we go out to keep his hands busy and keep him from biting himself, which is another issue. But you might also consider something textured,  one of his own paintings, a sensory toy,  anything that will keep his hands off the art work.  

6. Plan to eat afterwards

If you managed to pull this off, it's time to celebrate! I knew there was a pizza place located right across the street from the gallery so the plan was to eat there afterwards. Unfortunately I didn't follow rule number three and by the time we left the gallery, it was well into lunch time and no seats available in the restaurant. If I would have followed my own advice, and left a little earlier,  this would have worked, and been the icing on the cake. Instead, we ate at a place closer to home which turned out okay, thank God! 

I hope some of these tips can help you enjoy art with your SNC even if the museum/gallery is not as accessible as you would hope. In less than ideal situations it's always about finding a solution and enjoying time together with the ones you love. 

Special Needs Mothering and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

FOMO! I first heard that term/acronym from my older son who flippantly told me that one of his classmates "has major FOMO", she attends every singular school function. I had no idea what that meant and I curiously asked him, "what's that?" He said, "you don't know what that is mommy? It means Fear Of Missing Out, FOMO.”

Wow, there's a word for it! "That was me!” I thought. I felt relieved. I suddenly diagnosed myself as also having major FOMO! Is there a support group for this?

In retrospect, I don't know if I have FOMO or just want to regain my social life again. At the end of last year, some parents in my support group shared how rarely we, as special needs moms, go out. Of course, this is the story of my life so I chimed in. 

Before kids, I went out quite a bit especially to art/artists events. As a special needs parent, this doesn't happen very often, although I'm trying to rectify that. I guess this is common with any parent, not just special needs. But when one is mothering a "typical" child you expect this to be temporary, that, as the child grows older, you will have your freedom back or at least be able to take him/her with you. Not so with a special needs child. I will forever need to arrange babysitting for my son who requires constant supervision.

I don't have many options for free childcare; I have one sister who lives far away, another with many responsibilities of her own, and aging parents/in-laws who are not equipped to handle Dan's boundless energy.  

Then I have to grapple with my own guilt. "you want to spend money on babysitting to go to a gallery opening, or an art talk? How frivolous! You should be home with your kids! No one has really said this to me out loud but the self-talk is real. 

There are some outings that are no- brainers and if they happen during school hours, even better; school functions that are important for my education as a special needs parent, church every Sunday, and of course, work! These events, I am either required or make a concerted effort to attend.

But when I am deluged with countless invitations to gallery openings, book signings, poetry readings, art talks, kid's parties, church conferences, hanging with friends… I want to go to all of them and major FOMO kicks in!  I have to make a major decision as to whether it’s worth asking my very overworked husband to stay with the kids, whether it's worth paying a babysitter, or whether I will regret it if I decide to do neither and stay home. The last one has happened countless of times and I am determined to have that happen less this year. 

Here is my criteria for how I pick my outings. This is strictly my criteria and I look forward to hearing your criteria as well: 

1.    I go to outings that bring me into community

I belong to various communities and I choose events that will bring me closer to each of them. One community that means a lot to me is the Puerto Rican artist/artisan community so I try to be present for at least two of their major events; The Comite Noviembre Puerto Rican Artisan Fair in November and the Committee to Honor Puerto Rican Women on International Working Women's Day in March. These are blocked out on the calendar so everyone in the house is on notice; I’m going!

10th annual Comite Noviembre Puerto Rican Artisan Fair 2015

Community, in general, is important and necessary for everyone. As an artist, who often works in isolation, like myself, it is huge, so I plan and make sure my child is taken care of during these times.

2. I go to outings that will make an impact on my museum practice.

At a Museum Access Consortium workshop at the Museum of Modern Art 

Besides running a creative business, I am also a museum educator. I talk about art for a living and want to get better at it. When there are professional development conferences or workshops on museum education, I try to be there.

3. I go to outings that are beneficial for us as a family. 

These outings are the best because they don’t require babysitting! Two major events that we clear our schedule for are The Bronxchester Challenger Baseball League and last year’s 1st Annual Sensory-friendly Holiday Party, both hosted by D3 Sports & Recreation, Inc. The Bronxchester Challenger League is a program to help autistic children with sensory integration and social engagement through baseball. We love it! Our kids can be themselves, play ball, and we can grab something to eat afterwards. It’s great family time!

My youngest; after the  game

Anything with the word “sensory” in it has my attention so when we were invited to the 1^st Annual Sensory-friendly Holiday Party, we knew we had to attend. Here, we came into contact again with former teammates from the baseball league and others from the autism community.

My youngest playing with rice during the 1st annual Holiday Sensory Party sponsored by D3 Sports & Recreation, Inc. 

These events also bring us into community, the autism community; we need this community in our lives! In general, if you create a space where our kids are welcomed, we will be there!

What are your communities? Where do you need to be seen? Who do you want to connect with, learn more from? Make sure you get to those events. Hire a sitter, ask a friend, plan in advance. Where there is a will, there is a way. This is key to keeping FOMO at bay. You are not really missing out on anything if you attend key events that are important to you. 

How do you organize your outings? I would love to know, Please post your comments below. 

If you would like to donate to the Bronx Parents Autism Support Circle, go to www.bxpasc.org. 

If you would like to donate to D3 Sports & Recreation, Inc., please click here, 

Enjoy Captivity

Since it's my 7th year as a creative entrepreneur, I have been thinking a lot about this life. I am an entrepreneur, an artisan/artist, and I am a special-needs mom. These are all lonely ventures and sometimes, being the social person that I am,  this can be quite hard to deal with. 

Lately, however, I feel that God has been asking me to give in to the lonely, to "enjoy the captivity" as Austin Kleon says. There are things that you can only do if you have long blocks of solitary time. 

The other day, I got a call from Dan's school that he was throwing up and needed to be picked up. He's much better now, but, I'm not going to lie, it totally messed up my day! I was supposed to have breakfast with a friend, sew a couple of refashions, take some pictures, possibly work on a new collection... things I can only do when Dan's not around. I had to redirect. When he's sick and clingy, the only thing that brings him comfort is to sit with me on the couch or computer chair, so that is what we did. This is not self-imposed captivity, it is very much imposed upon me, I would not choose it for myself. However, if Dan had not been sick, I would not have worked on this here index card project that has been in my head for a while. I'll tell you more about it soon. 

index card project that has been in my head for a while. I'll tell you more about it soon. 

So there you have it, sometimes you have to give in and "enjoy the captivity."

IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) Screen Printed Infinity Scarves and Cuffs

SOLD OUT: IEP screen printed infinity scarf on jersey knit fabric. This is the only one I have in this color, www.nelesc.etsy.com

I'd like to introduce you to my new collection of IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) screen printed infinity scarves and cuffs, available in my shop, Nelesc Designs. These are ready to ship!

IEP hand screen printed repurposed leather cuffs, www.nelesc.etsy.com

If you are a special needs mom or teacher, you know what an IEP is! But if you don't, let me explain. An IEP is a written document that is developed for each public school child who is eligible for special education. It includes learning goals, methods of instruction, and criteria for determining whether the child has reached such goals. This document is  compiled by a team; teachers, members of the school district and, of course, the parent, and is legal and binding wielding much power! 

IEP screen printed top by Nelesc Designs

These items, all hand screen printed in my home, complete with "method", "criteria", etc., were birthed from a conceptual art project. On April of 2014, I was asked to submit works to the first annual Bronx Art for Autism fundraiser which was held at El Fogon Cultural Arts Center. I submitted three works, one of them being a screen printed IEP top, seen here. The premise for the piece was the idea of the special needs mom being buried and overwhelmed with paperwork, the almighty IEP, being the main one! I wanted to transform this difficult, anxiety ridden idea of the IEP and the IEP meeting and the only way I knew how to do this was through clothing. Clothing is transformational for me. I started printing a blurred version of my son's IEP on cuffs and scarves that I handmade myself. Consequently, this very serious document became more playful, whimsical, and I began to breathe a little easier when I entered my sons' IEP meetings with these on.

Not that there is anything fun or whimsical about an IEP or it's meeting companion. However, I do have to say, on one occasion it did lighten the mood during one of my son's IEP discussions. "Is that an IEP on your cuff? commented one of the school's representatives during said meeting. I was caught a little off guard as special needs moms are more of my target audience, but, miraculously, it gave me a platform to talk about my struggles raising two kids on the spectrum and the day to day issues I face as their advocate. They were responsive, really listened, and asked questions. I was grateful for that. In a, not so bad, way, the IEP meeting was transformed into an episode of The View! Perhaps it made me more human to them as they got a better understanding of my challenges. I don't know. What I do know is that it eased the tension of this IEP encounter and the outcome was a success. 

I can't promise you will have the same experience, but I do hope that this new collection will inspire conversation about the triumphs and difficulties that surround the special needs mom life. 

At the moment, these are one of a kind, the ones in the shop are ready to ship. When the kids go back to school next week,  I plan to create more with the fabric I have on hand.  

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on these new items. Please tell me what you think in the comments. I respond to every one! 

Have a great day! 

Creating under Difficult Circumstances: When Things Fall Apart

The other day, my Dan fully broke my dress form. It was already fragile from another one of his stunts but I had managed to put it back together. This time, a recent climbing expedition, completely broke her in two. 

This is what it's like to create in my context, the context of having a child with autism who, although lovable and happy, is also quite impulsive and curious about how things come apart. I have to admit, when I saw Frida (yes, that's what I call this dress form), I was pissed!

I sew and make things so I have a lot of enticing stuff to play with; zippers, tape measures, fabric, paint, brushes,  etc. All of this feeds my sensory needs, so how can it not be tempting to a sensory needy child like mine. And yes, I have, on more than one occasion, sacrificed the zipper or piece of fabric so that he could be happy and quiet in my space while I sewed away, but the buck stops at my mannequins! He cannot have my dress forms too! I am constantly teaching my kids, especially my oldest, how to enforce boundaries, this is one instance when I need to take my own advice.  

So, in an attempt to not have this break me or my creative spirit, I took a deep breath, composed myself, and went about trying to find a solution to this issue. We recently moved and I finally have my own creative, enclosed space  but alas, it has no door! It is now time for a door, or a gate, something, because creating is my lifeline, and when things seem to be falling apart, it's what makes sense and holds me  together. I love my Dan to pieces but he cannot have a piece of my Frida! I need to figure out a way to lovingly enforce my boundaries for him concerning my personal and creative space.  I have to admit, though, this part of self-care is tough for me. 

If you create under difficult circumstances; sickness, caring for a special needs child, unsupportive environment, etc., I'd love to hear from you, swap stories, and learn! 

Balancing Motherhood and Creative Entrepreneurship: The Camera Does Not Lie

As I was looking through some old pictures of my T-shirt designs, I came across these which showed the kids in the background, running around.

Mientras miraba algunas fotos viejas de mis diseños de camiseta, me encontré con estas que muestran a los niños en el fondo, corriendo. 

I remember when I started my business, Nelesc Designs, I had an almost 6 year old and a 14 month old. Because natural light is always best, I aimed to take pictures of my designs outdoors. However, in my neck of the woods,  the sun cooperated best around 3:30 PM when my oldest arrived from school. I either had to wait for a day when my husband would be home at that time or just wing it and try to take pictures while my oldest ran around the yard, hoping the camera would not catch him. Ah! but the camera doesn't lie and it catches what is there. This is me balancing motherhood and creative entrepreneurship. 

Recuerdo que cuando empecé mi negocio , Nelesc Designs,  tenía un niño de casi seis años y otro de 14 meses de edad. Debido a que la luz natural siempre es mejor, mi objetivo era tomar fotos para mi sitio web, al aire libre. Sin embargo , en mi vecindario, el sol solamente cooperaba alrededor de las 3:30 de la tarde, precisamente cuando mi hijo mayor llegaba de la escuela. Tenía dos opciones; esperar tomar fotos cuando mi esposo estuviera disponoble para estar con los niños, o simplemente improvisar y tomarlas mientras mis hijos corrían por el patio, deseando que la cámara no los captara. ¡Ah ! pero la cámara no miente y capta lo que hay. Aquí me tiene, equilibrando la maternidad y el emprendimiento creativo.

Early on in the business, I used to leave this part out, the part about my being a mother, especially the fact that I was a mother of special needs children. I wasn't ashamed, I just needed the separation. Nowadays, as I look at these pictures, they are so telling of my progress as a "mompreneur" and the progress my kids have made over the years, particularly, my oldest (I'll call him M). For instance, here, he's giving great eye contact! This was difficult for M in his early years.   

Al principio del negocio, solía dejar esta parte fuera, la parte de ser madre, sobre todo el hecho de que yo era una madre de niños con necesidades especiales . Yo no estaba avergonzada, simplemente necesitaba la separación . Hoy en día, estas fotos, cuentan tanto de mi progreso como  emprendedora al igual del progreso que han hecho mis hijos, especialmente mi hijo mayor ( lo llamaré M ). Por ejemplo, aquí, él está mirando con intento a mis ojos! Esto fue difícil para M cuando era mas pequeño.

As M grew older, he became interested in photography and would take the pictures of my creations while Dan ran around. I liked that he was involved in the business somehow  and this especially came in handy during school breaks when I had no one to watch them. 

It also helped me gage how good Dan followed directions while outdoors in a safe, gated environment. He did okay but I still had to make sure he would not eat dirt or climb over the fence! But, even in the craziness, it felt good to let my kids in on this aspect of my life, this journey of creative entrepreneurship that was initially all mine. It felt more 
authentic.

A medida que crecia M, empezó a interesarse por la fotografía y, eventualmente, tomaría las fotos de mis creaciones, mientras que Dan corrió alrededor. Me gustó que se vio envuelto en el negocio de alguna manera y esto especialmente fue muy útil durante las vacaciones escolares, cuando no tenía a nadie que me velara los hijos.

También me ayudó evaluar si Dan, en realidad, podria seguir instruciones mientras estaba afuera. El patio era un sitio encerrado y seguro. Lo hizo bien, pero todavía tenía que asegurarme de que no iba a comer tierra o pasar por encima de la cerca! Pero, entremedio de toda esta locura, me sentí bien dejando entrar a mis hijos en este aspecto de mi vida, esta trayectoria del empresarial creativo que inicialmente fue todo mío . Me sentía más auténtica.

My oldest is no longer running around in the background and now intentionally photobombs my shots. I don't get angry though, I actually celebrate it. Like me, he tends to be  uncomfortable in the spotlight. However, lately, he's been feeling his power, finding his voice, getting more assertive, and figuring it all out. I also am finding my voice and am becoming more comfortable with my roles in life; artesana,  special needs mom, entrepreneur, Latina, Christian, etc. I enjoy these worlds intertwining and sometimes colliding. This is us, and the camera does not lie.   

Mi hijo mayor ya no está corriendo en segundo plano y  ahora intencionadamente se mete en mis fotos!  Yo no me enojo, al contrario, lo celebro . Como yo, a él no le gusta ser el centro de atención. Sin embargo, últimamente, esta conociendo su poder, encontrando su voz, es cada vez más asertivo, y esta tratando de entenderlo todo . Yo también he encontrado mi voz y estoy más cómoda con los papeles que desempeño en la vida; artesana, madre de niños con autismo, emprendedora, latina, cristiana, etc. Disfruto de estos mundos que se entrelazan y en ocasiones chocan. Aquí nos tienen, y la cámara no miente.